i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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