I wannas sexs uuuuu
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
