We're facebook friends in real life
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
