i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
