I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have aggressive nipples.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
