Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
