im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
