I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
