I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
