Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
