It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
