My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
