Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
