I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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