I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
