went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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