is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
