But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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