They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
