My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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