I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
