Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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