just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
