We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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