we made out on top of his cat.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
