my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so let's talk penis.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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