I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
