He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
home. puking in laundry basket.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
