nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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