New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
