what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
