I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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