We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize