We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
