I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
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Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
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We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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