Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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