I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
