I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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