You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
