dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I forget how to act sober
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
