fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
