Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
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