You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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