drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
