I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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