I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Text me some of your sweat
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
