I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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