and you said cock pushups were impossible
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
