How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize