This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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