I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
a search helicopter?!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
