drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
