I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
