That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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