we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
