just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
