Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
