You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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