im six kinds of drunk right now
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
