I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
