we have pet lesbian snakes
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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