I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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