You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
