Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
