dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
