So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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