I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
