did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
