i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
